Member-only story
Living with Lipedema
The fat disease
Obesity runs in my family. So, it was no surprise to me that I was overweight. The first diet I remember going on to lose weight, around age 11, was grapefruit and tomato juice. It tasted gross, but my mother was doing it, so I thought it would work for me. I also ate her appetite suppressant candy.
I lost weight over the years, but no matter how much I lost, my legs remained large. I thought I was just big-boned. As a teenager, I remember cruising the park, our local hangout, and a carload of guys whistled at me. When I got out of the car, they started laughing and making crude comments about how I looked skinny from the car and fat once I got out. My wide hips and pillar legs didn’t look like they belonged on my torso.
I thought the bumps under my skin were cellulite. After I had kids, I couldn’t handle them bouncing around on my lap. Even a cat walking across my legs was painful. I thought fat was supposed to hurt because it wasn’t meant to be on my body. Maybe it would motivate me to eat less and move more. I did. I even taught water exercise classes at my local Y. I was fit but still fat. If I overate, I would purge, which turned into an eating disorder.
I was desperate to lose the weight at any cost. I spent thousands of dollars on every diet imaginable — including going to a diet doctor for appetite suppression pills and the liquid diet with weekly B12 injections. The only thing I lost long-term was my hard-earned money and self-esteem.
The older I got, the more swollen and bruised my legs became. I dealt with it by avoiding showing my legs. I became so self-conscious of my appearance that I stopped going to the beach, dancing, or any of the public activities I enjoyed.
My marriage also suffered. As my body swelled, my husband’s attention waned. I didn’t blame him. I was no longer the person he married. I became withdrawn, preferring to read, write, listen to music, or watch a movie over going out. We got into a comfortable groove that led to a platonic friendship…
